The idea of “languages of love”
speaks of the way we communicate love to people, who matter the most to us -
our wives, husbands, parents, children, siblings and friends. Through mixture
of personal preferences and life experiences, each one of us develops an
individual way of expressing and receiving love.
When
two people prefer the same or mostly the same ways of showing love, their
affection for each other is well communicated and deeply enriches their
relationship. However, when two people differ significantly in the ways they
would like to show and receive expressions of love, a potential for
miscommunication exists, in spite of positive and supportive feelings that they
may have for each other. It is much like people from different countries
speaking different languages. They may always attempt to communicate through
gestures and facial expression, but it will be difficult to establish well
developed connections between them until at least one person - or preferably,
two - make an effort to learn another language.
Below is a short description on
each of the five languages of love described in Gary Chapman’s book Five
Languages of Love along with some questions that may give you a better
understanding of your preferred way of expressing and receiving love. It is
possible that you will be able to identify with two or even three of those, but
for most people one of those languages is prominent, and others play a supportive
role. Which way of expressing affection communicates the loudest “I love you”
in your life?
1. Words of Affirmation
Some people feel loved the most
when others express their affection through affirming words. It can take the
form of simple statements of appreciation - commonly known as compliments. Mark
Twain said some time ago: “I can live for two months on a good compliment”.
Another form is encouragement - giving recognition for work already done and
inspiring to continue at the task or challenge undertaken, however small or big
it may seem.
How can you know if your love
language is Words of Affirmation?
Do you like to receive notes of
affirmation from your loved ones?
Are words of acceptance
important to you?
Do you like when others speak to
you in kind words?
Do you value praise of others
and try to avoid their criticism?
Do you like when others
compliment your achievements and appearance?
Do you feel loved when others
celebrate your birthday with meaningful words?
Do you feel loved when others
tell you how much they appreciate you?
Do you need words of affirmation
from others every day?
2. Quality Time
Some people feel loved the most
when others devote their time and undivided attention to them. In this language
all life’s small issues and details are set aside to be with and for the loved
person. One form of it is meaningful conversation about experiences, thoughts,
feelings and desires, unhurried and free from interruptions and giving quick
solutions.
Another form of that love
language is spending time together in activities that are of interest to both
people and help to strengthen their relationship. Such activities also provide
a rich source of memories to cherish and discuss at later time.
How can you know if your love
language is Quality Time?
Do you like to spend one-on-one
time with your loved ones?
Do you like being together with
your loved ones when doing things?
Do you feel close to your loved
ones while talking or doing something together?
Do you like when people listen
to you sympathetically?
Do you feel loved when others
take time to understand your feelings?
Do you enjoy the feeling you get
when others give you their undivided attention?
Do you appreciate when others
listen patiently and don’t interrupt you?
Do you like when others look at
you when you’re talking together?
3. Receiving Gifts
Some people feel loved the most
when they are given some tangible symbols of love - gifts. For them a fact that
someone else devoted time, effort and money to find something that could be
given as a gift, very strongly communicates affection and the interest that
they desire. Gifts don’t have to be expensive or extraordinary - what counts is
remembrance and thoughtfulness. Also, sometimes those gifts don’t have to be
material - in times of need and difficulties, the greatest gift one may give is
simple presence and support.
How can you know if your love
language is Receiving Gifts?
Do you like when your loved ones
give you gifts?
Do you feel loved when you
receive gifts from others?
Are visual symbols of love
(gifts) very important to you?
Do several inexpensive gifts
from loved ones mean more to you than one large gift?
Do you like receiving gifts made
by your loved ones?
Do you feel loved when your
loved ones celebrate your birthday with a gift?
Do you know your loved ones are
thinking of you when they give you a gift?
Is receiving a gift for no
special occasion exciting for you?
Some people feel loved the most
when others express their care and affection through helpful behaviors. A very
strong form of this love language is giving practical help in doing home
chores. Doing something for a loved person communicates interest and
willingness to share life’s burdens - and participating together with the joys
that it may bring. However, such help has to be motivated by love, not by duty
- or even worse, but only submitting to repeated appeals for help. Another form
of this particular language is noticing and expressing appreciation for all the
things that a person does for his or her family.
How can you know if your love
language is Acts of Service?
Do you feel loved when your
loved ones give you practical help?
Do things that your loved ones
do affect you more than what they say?
Do you know others love you when
they do things for you that you don’t enjoy doing yourself?
Do acts of service performed by
others make you feel loved?
Do you appreciate the many
things that your loved ones do for you?
Do you enjoy the feeling when
others do some act of service for you?
Do you like to know that your
loved ones are concerned enough to help you with your daily tasks?
Do you feel loved when your
loved ones enthusiastically do some task you requested?
5. Physical Touch
Some people feel loved the most
when others express their affection through physical contact. Sexual expression
is only one of many dialects of that language and speaking the language of
physical touch may not be limited only to that. Such people desire love to be
expressed through many different forms of touch, however the preferred ways of
being touched are very individual and differ from person to person. The key to
expressing love to a mate whose love language is physical touch is to learn how
and when he or she wants to be touched.
How can you know if your love
language is Physical Touch?
Do you feel loved when your
loved ones touch you?
Do you like holding hands with
your partner?
Do you like to sit close to your
loved ones?
Do you feel closer to your loved
ones when they touch you often?
Do you like your loved ones to touch
you when you walk by?
Do you feel secure when your
loved ones touch you?
Is it exciting for you when your
partner kisses you unexpectedly?
Do you need to be touched every day?
